His & Her DINKs

HIS and HER are both sports fans, in particular the Boston Bruins, Boston Red Sox and the New England Patriots, because we are from New England and it is required. And when I say HIS and HER and fans, I mean HIS watches and HER puts up with it, in particular the Bruins. But we both agree that the Bruins have great web videos, in particular those that feature the Bear. The newest video is below and is quite funny, in particular those clips featuring Zdeno Chara (HIS’ favorite) and coach Claude Julien. How many times can I one write ‘in particular’? Does five work for you?

One of the good things about being a DINK rather than a hipster is that you do not need to be pigeon-holed into liking indie music or whatever is trendy; you can listen to whatever you want. And for me, one of those bands is Meshuggah. And they have a new song you can download for free. Click on the image below:

And while you are here, Meshuggah is touring with Baroness who are pretty awesome in their own right. Check them out below:

“Blah blah blah ‘Hunger Games’ blah blah blah.” That sums up many of the conversations in the HIS and HER household as of late. HER was an early reader of the trilogy and encouraged me to read the first book by giving it to me as a Christmas gift. My review in four words “Better than ‘The Passage,’” which was the last book that HER bought for me to read.

This weekend the movie hits the theaters and we plan on checking it out, just not opening weekend because that is for people with energy and us crotchety mid-30’s DINKs do not like a carnival with our movie-watching. If you are a fan of ‘The Running Man’ or ‘The Long Walk’ by Stephen King then I would imagine you would dig ‘Hunger Games.’ Plus Jennifer Lawrence is rather easy on the eyes.

\does quick Google search to make sure Jennifer Lawrence is of age

\she’s 21, we’re cool (if just a tad pervy)

There has been a bit of a lull here in DINK-land and there is a very good reason. For a bit, us DINKs were SINKSs as one half of the couple was out of work. But fear not, the SINKs have once again been upgraded to DINKs and it was time to celebrate. And for that HIS and HER went to Opaque, a restaurant in the Hayes Valley area of San Francisco in which you eat in complete darkness. Really. When you see a report on ‘60 Minutes’ about dining in complete darkness and said restaurant is restaurant is walking distance from your apartment, you go to said restaurant. That is the law.

Upon arrival we are met by a hostess that provides us with a menu and a comfortable seat. Five minutes later we have our meals picked out (it is a three-course price fixe menu) and are being led to our seats by our blind waiter. Really. I can not stress this enough, it is complete darkness. If our waiter turned around and punched me in the face I would never see it coming. (Side note: If I was a blind waiter, I would absolutely punch somebody in the face). 

NOTE: Not our waiter

We literally feel our way to our seats and sit in for an evening of listening in on other people’s conversations, and you better believe my elbows were on the tables. And I can not confirm nor deny that I blew my nose on the cloth napkin. Nobody saw nothing except for the crazy busboy that was probably walking around naked wearing infra-red goggles. That dude is weird. But the conversations were lacking, so no good stories to share other than the two women next to us that bitched about the menu because one was vegan and the other does not eat fish in stereotypical San Francisco entitlement pitch.

The food was solid though you end up eating a bit with your hands. I had salmon with potatoes and carrots and I would end up scooping with my fork and then use my hands to hold the food on the fork as I shoveled it into my gullet. And you bet your ass the ice cream that came with my chocolate cake ended up on my hands. 

A nice surprise was that we got some extra food with our meal; before the meal we had one of those one-bite appetizers that has a fancy name (it was a cucumber with some sort of fish on it) and they also served veggies and dip that you could get all over your fingers.

Overall, it was a fine and unique experience if it a bit on the pricey side. And by bit I mean ‘Holy shit I would never pay these prices unless it was a special occasion and we had a gift certificate from Restaurant.com and a Visa gift card.’ But can you put a price on something so different? Yes, probably. We most likely would not do it again, but we would never discourage anybody from trying it. Enjoy. 

On the walking/biking trail at Land’s End near Ocean Beach in San Francisco:

HIM: “I still have to say the best hike I ever did was the Grand Canyon.”

HER: “Well, yeah.”

Fancy booze time is upon us between the Super Bowl and the Oscars. Me, I am a beer man on Super Bowl Sunday but for the Oscars, to paraphrase the Rev. Horton Heat, it’s martini time. Granted the best cocktail combo is scotch and a glass, but if you want to get fancy may I suggest what I made for the Golden Globes, a thai chili pepper martini. Interested? You bet your soon-to-be fuzzy ass you are. Here is what you do:

Put gin in some sort of glass. We’re classy so we used Sapphire Gin and Tupperware.

For each 4 oz. of gin (which is two martinis worth of booze), add one sliced thai chili pepper, including seeds. I prefer mine extra spicy so I’ll add a pepper for every 2 oz. Cover and let steep for 6-8 hours.

When ready to get boozy, grab yourself some glasses (we have stem-less martini glasses we got from HER’s grandmother as a Christmas gift), and add a dash of dry vermouth to the glass. Just enough to coat the glass. Add any vermouth remnants to a martini shaker.

Add a handful of ice cubes to the shaker and finally add your pepper-soaked gin. Shake that bitch like you are Joey Chestnut eating Nathan’s on Independence Day. 

Pour your concoction into your glasses. Add an olive because it is healthy and tasty.

Rinse and repeat.

There used to be a little tradition in the HIS and HER household that whenever the GEICO commercial with Maxwell the Pig came on the television, everything stopped. Now there is a new Maxwell the Pig commercial. I would embed it here but I want to pretend is does not exist. Instead, let’s all hail, and say farewell (Type O Negative reference), to the original masterpiece.

HIS and HER will be watching the Golden Globes this Sunday. We make a point to see all the Oscar nominees for Best Picture, so this is our primer. And we both really like Ricky Gervais (we saw him tape one of his stand-up specials in New York). And we make fun of people’s outfits (where have you gone Joan Rivers?).
Here are our predictions for this year’s awards. 

MOTION PICTURES

Best Drama
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

HIS: We’ve seen ‘The Descendants,’ ‘The Ides of March’ and ‘Moneyball.’ They were all just okay, but I hear the rest are snooze-fests. Let’s go with ‘The Descendants’ so we can see some sweet Clooney action.

HER: I agree that ‘The Descendants’ will take the award, mostly because, besides Moneyball, I could care less about the rest of the movies in this category. I am hoping that many of these movies aren’t nominated for an Oscar, so I don’t have to see them.  Now, Moneyball was a good movie, but it wasn’t the best drama for 2011.

Best Comedy/Musical
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
Midnight in Paris
My Week with Marilyn

HIS: Have only seen ‘Bridesmaids.’ Let’s go with that one since it has sound, does not include the words ‘starring Seth Rogen,’ and its director didn’t fuck his girlfriend’s daughter.

HER: I have to start with, I’m surprised that ‘The Help’ wasn’t nominated. That would have been my pick for the category - so I will go with ‘The Artist’.  ’The Artist’ is another movie that I hope isn’t nominated for an Oscar, so I won’t have to see it, but I doubt it, it has too much Oscar buzz around it.  Oh well…

Best Animated Film
Rango
The Adventures of Tintin
Puss in Boots
Winnie the Pooh
Arthur Christmas

HIS: Who gives a shit? Let’s go with ‘Rango.’ At least it looks like ‘Rambo.’

HER: I’m going with ‘Puss in Boots’.  How can you go wrong with a movie about a cat? It’s like YouTube on the big screen.

Best Actor in a Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants
Brad Pitt, Moneyball
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar

HIS: Seen them all except ‘Shame.’ My man crush on Leo knows no limits, but Clooney will win.

HER: I’m going with Ryan Gosling, ‘The Ides of March’ for this award.  The movie wasn’t all that good, but come on the guy had 3 movies this year and there is a scene were his shirt is off (yummy). Plus he was robbed of the disiction of being People’s sexiest man of 2011.

Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Ryan Gosling, Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

HIS: Haven’t seen any of them but ‘The Artist’ is getting all kinds of love so let’s go with that dude by a nose over Ryan Gosling’s abs.

HER: OK, I went with Ryan Gosling for drama, so I will pick someone else for this category.  But it would be wild if he took Best Actor in both drama and comedy.  For this one I’m going with Owen Wilson, ‘Midnight in Paris’.

Best Supporting Actor
 in a Motion Picture
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method

HIS: Jonah Hill can go play in traffic. I like all the other dudes, but the only one of these movies I really want to see is ‘Beginners’ so I’ll go with Plummer. Plus he was in the movie version of ‘Dragnet.’

HER: HIS and I feel the same way about Jonah Hill - I’ll leave it at that.  I’m putting my money on Kenneth Branagh in ‘My Week With Marilyn’.  Doesn’t he win everything?

Best Actress in a Drama
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

HIS: HER looks like Meryl Streep so I always bet on her.

HER: Please why did they nominate anyone else? Meryl Streep, ‘The Iron Lady’.

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy
Jodie Foster, Carnage
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage

HIS: Theron is so attractive that I find it tough to believe that she is the same species as the rest of us. And I got a crush on Winslet and Foster (though I do not think Foster is into pee-pees). But I liked ‘Bridesmaids’ so I’ll pick Wiig.

HER: For a movie that I didn’t think received good reviews, two people have been nominated for ‘Carnage’.  I guess a movie that kills off Gwyneth Paltrow can’t be all that bad - did I say that out loud?  I’m going with Kate Winslet.

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help

HIS: Anybody but the chick from ‘The Descendants.’ I know I sound like I am 35 going on 70 when I say this, but I hate it when teenagers are the smartest people in the movie and it is not a cartoon (‘Juno’ is the worst offender). Let’s go with Spencer.

HER: I feel that Shailene Woodley played her character Amy from ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’ and wasn’t impressed by the performance.  My pick is for Jessica Chastain, ‘The Help’.

Best Director
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

HIS: Not adopted daughter fucker, ‘The Ides of March’ has a major plot line flaw, and movies have sound now so no gimmicks for this fella. I guess that leaves Alexander Payne (just because ‘Election’ was so good).

HER: Woody Allen

TELEVISION

Best TV Comedy or Musical
Enlightened
Episodes
Glee
Modern Family
New Girl

HIS: ‘Modern Family’ is the best sitcom since ‘Arrested Development.’

HER: There is only one right answer here, ‘Modern Family’.

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture
Cinema Verite
Downtown Abbey
The Hour
Mildred Pierce
Too Big To Fail

HIS: I have seen ‘Cinema Verite’ and ‘Too Big to Fail.’ I prefer ‘Too Big to Fail’ because it took a dry topic in which we knew the ending and still made it suspenseful.

HER: Is there any doubt that ‘Downtown Abby’ is taking this?

Best Actor in a TV Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Damian Lewis, Homeland
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Kelsey Grammer, Boss

HIS: A stacked category but ‘Breaking Bad’ completely killed this year. Whoever is in charge of accepting brides for the Hollywood Foreign Press should be doing time for not nominating the dude who plays Gus. 

HER: I have seen all of these shows.  I got to see the 1st 4 eps of ‘The Borgias’ on on our flight back home on Virgin America (see HIS: No Longer a Virgin America Virgin ).  I think Jeremy Irons only takes on roles that other actors feel are f’ed up - i.e. Lolita and Damage.  If you don’t know what the ’The Borgias’ is about, Jeremy Iorns plays Pope Alexander VI, a corrupt servant of God who has children, affairs with woman, and people killed to stay in power.  With that said, I pick Kelsey Grammer, ‘Boss’.

Best Actor in a TV Musical or Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

HIS: Was ‘Californication’ even on this year? I have only seen bits and pieces of anybody other than Baldwin and I can not imagine any of them being better. I go with Baldwin and a total of four jokes throughout the night about Baldwin being a shithead on airplanes.

HER: I watch ‘The Big Bang Theory’ in syndication and LOVE it.  HIS is not amused when I laugh at the nerdy jokes, though, when the talk about comic books, I can tell that he starts paying attention. He has even been known to put his opinion in when they are debating a comic issue.  My pick is for Johnny Galecki, ‘The Big Bang Theory’.

Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti, Too Big To Fail
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

HIS: Giamatti was barely in ‘Too Big to Fail.’ I like ‘Modern Family’ but I like Robbins better and he was good in ‘Cinema Verite’, let’s go with him.

HER: What a motley group.  I thought that Guy Pearce was great in ‘Mildred Pierce’, but I have to go with Eric Stonestreet in ‘Modern Family’.

Best Actress in a TV Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness

HIS: We are watching ‘Homeland’ On Demand now. I have never seen the others so I guess I’ll with Danes, even though she was in Baz Luhrman’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’ (a.k.a. the 100-minute sodomizing of Shakespeare’s corpse).

HER: Madeleine Stowe, ‘Revenge’ ‘nough said

Best Actress in a TV Musical or Comedy
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laura Linney, The Big C
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

HIS: I once hung out a bar during an improv festival right next to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Fey is stunning in person so I’ll stick with my gal.

HER: I am not a fan of Zooey Deschanel and have been praying that this show would be cancelled.  I guess God was too busy listening to Tebow.  I haven’t seen any of these shows, so I will take a guess and pick Amy Poehler, ‘Parks and Recreation’.

Best Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce

HIS: ‘American Horror Story’ is awful and the chick from ‘Boardwalk Empire’ is the worst thing about that show (even though I have only seen two episodes from season two). Vergara has huge melons. I like melons. Vergara it is.

HER: Come on is there any question that Jessica Lange isn’t going to take it for her role on ‘American Horror Story’?  She was just amazing in this season.

If Pantera had a son, it would be Lamb of God. That baby is all grown up and moved out of the house. And it is a nice house. 

Their new album is out on January 24. This is the lead single.

I shit you not, I am not making this up. One day. ONE FUCKING DAY after I wrote this (if you are too lazy to click, it is a Range Rover parked in a Compact Car spot), the same asshole, THE SAME ASSHOLE, parks in a handicapped spot.

You can not tell from the photo, but there is no handicap plate or decal. This is plain Asshole with a side of shithead. And I am a prophet.